Never give up. by Seanen Middleton on Flickr.
This is for Suicide Awareness day. I would just like to share my story with you all, in the hope that it will help even one person.
5 years ago I was extremely depressed. I think it stemmed from my childhood, I saw and experienced a lot of things no child should. Violence, abuse, neglect. It scarred me. I repressed it, until I was about 15. That’s when it all came up and I had a breakdown. I had no friends and spent my hours alone in my room. I was afraid of the world, afraid of people, and afraid of myself. I cried every time I looked in the mirror because I was completely consumed with self hatred. Nobody wanted to know me because I became so hostile. I stopped taking care of myself.
I was very much viewed as “the weird kid” at school. I longed for friends but had no self confidence to talk to anybody. I refused to do my school work and my grades were at a dangerously low level. My teachers told me that the way I was heading, I would never get a job or into university or higher education. My life prospects seemed pathetic. I genuinely felt my life had no purpose. I never saw a way out of the darkness. I cut myself religiously every day, and suicide was often at the back of my mind. Cutting was the only way I felt I could express my sadness. I took out all my bad feelings out on my skin. I genuinely felt I could not cope with life. On numerous occasions I was extremely close to suicide.
It was shortly after this that I discovered photography, aged 16. Photography meant I could turn those horrible thoughts and emotions into art. I could express all my deepest darkest feelings and turn them into something beautiful. I did this every night. It was a distraction from my emotional pain. I began to see substance in my life. I felt like I was slowly gaining a purpose, and over time,
The feeling that I was useless and inferior began to subside a little. I saw beauty in the world that i never saw before. My life changed dramatically. I gained a new energy. I started to work hard at school because I wanted to study my new found passion at university. I gained confidence.
I made friends, I found a boy that I love, and who loved me right back.
I have gone from the suicidal teenage boy with no friends to having 5,261 people follow my work on facebook, 5,290 people follow me on flickr with over a million views under my belt. Numerous magazine features, and people from all over the world that want to know all about my work and strangely enough, me personally too. I gained Friends, a beautiful relationship, and many many happy memory’s.
What I’m getting at is, I was willing to give up. I thought things would never get better. I never knew what was lying just around the corner, and if I did I would never of even considered suicide as an option.
So if you are feeling like you can’t go on, like you are trapped in the darkness and you can’t find a way out, look at my story, because I promise you this, things will get better. They did for me and they will for you. Each and every last one of you has a beautiful life ahead of you. Never give up.